What's been happening...

I have been busy! Updates!

Hi everyone! I have been busy! (Kind of long but a lot has happened)

I am just going to give a quick update on where I have been. The next part of my substack story, Innocence and Fear, will be out in a week or two. I have been busier than usual lately. It also takes a lot of time to get each part to a readable state.

The first thing I have been up to is school. I have been taking a British Literature class, which is a lot of reading and is a little more challenging as it is a more difficult level of class. I’ve been enjoying what we are learning about, and I have been reading a ton. I have read 11 books since January and am halfway through both Frankenstein and Northanger Abbey. The latter of them are books we studied in class that I started reading because strangely I had not read either of them. I plan to do a deep read of Milton’s Paradise Lost after I finish these two books. I constantly have to write for this class, which leaves me with very little free time, and this class is on top of an already limited schedule. Oops, bloody nose, I’ll be right back.

So it’s been hard, but I am enjoying being back in school. Next semester I am taking even more classes, but I am hoping to graduate not next semester but the one afterward. I haven’t decided 100% on this, but I think I may want to get a Master’s degree. But there are a lot of factors that will play into this, and I still have to see if I can pull off a full schedule. The degree I’m currently finishing is an English degree, but I plan on going into Computer & Information Science with continuing school. I hope to become a technical writer or a Systems Librarian. I plan on trying to go into these two fields as much as possible after I graduate with the current degree I’m in. I’ve read that you shouldn’t tell other people your goals, but it helps keep me motivated, plus there are not that many of you who read this :). School is going to get hard, so I’m trying to enjoy my very, very limited time when I can. So far I’m getting good grades.

I have had so many doctor’s appointments lately. This Monday I had an incredibly important appointment that I have been waiting to go to for a few months. I liked the doctor, and he was knowledgeable and knew his shit. Also, he took me seriously and didn’t blow off my concerns at all. It is official. I have some real auto-immune diseases (yes probably multiple.) and I am officially chronically ill. I am not saying this with almost any happiness. It sucks. But the only pleasure I can take from this being official is at least I know. I have felt insane since I was very young. I was sick and in pain, all the time, and no one believed me. Then, as I was growing up, people constantly didn't believe me because I have schizoaffective disorder and they used that fact against me. It’s true that people with mental illnesses like mine can imagine illness, but I wasn’t. I had a doctor diagnose me with fibromyalgia after no blood tests and having her assistant ask me questions. I’ve also been down paths that led nowhere, like having my hormones checked that left me feeling exhausted and frustrated. But now, I am going the right way. I don’t feel like explaining but the doctor has already looked at bloodwork, but he called more in testing for additional issues. Also, some skin has already undergone three biopsies in the mix, which is leading the doctor I saw Monday to think certain things are going on. They took 16 tubes of blood from me, which the technician said was the most she had ever taken from someone. So I’m just excelling all over the place. I do not have any official diagnosis yet, but he has some strong contenders. So knowing is better than not knowing, and I find out more on my next appointment on the 11th. Also, he said he could not guarantee anything but that my hair which fell out might come back. (A lot fell out, it looks so bad and I’m embarrassed about it.) I just started taking steroids to help with the illness and pain I’m going through…

I also have been going to Physical Therapy twice a week for an hour, and on off days I have been trying to work out and watch my diet. I have lost 30 pounds since mid-December, but my weight loss is slowing down a little. I have been feeling so much stronger. I had to go because I basically could not walk any distance for about a year and a half. Like I wasn’t in a wheelchair, but I was getting afraid I would end up in one. I also had some severe problems with my neck, both the back and neck thing were very painful. The doctor I’m seeing now thinks it’s part of the mess of autoimmune things going on. I have to get MRIs of my back, neck, and lungs in the coming days because of nerve problems, and potential complications in my lungs from probable sarcoidosis. The sarcoidosis scares me because the doctors believe this killed my father in his early 60s in 2016. But yes, the PT is helping. I feel a lot better, and it’s also good for my core, and the people there are very kind. So I’ll have PT through March probably longer. The good news is, that I can walk again for far distances, but I still have some trouble with speed and stairs. My neck has improved in flexibility and the pain is manageable now (of course when I have flairs of illness, which is about every two weeks everything feels like shit. But at least now it isn’t 100% of the time.)

In my spare time, I have been getting even more into chess. I’m winning games against bots (finally) and I even did surprisingly well against the Magnus Carlsen bot. I don’t have an ELO rating or anything yet, but the computer sometimes will rate your playing and I’ve gotten up to 1800 at my highest. This may sound like I care about the numbers, but actually, I don’t. It’s just something like, OK, that’s cool. This is a big deal for me because I am a horrific perfectionist. I am highly competitive in some ways, such as grades, and I am a perfectionist against myself. Nothing ever seems good enough. But with chess it’s different. I’m beginning, I’m not that good, (you reading this would probably beat me if you know chess LOL) I lose all the time, sometimes against the easy bots. I get lost sometimes watching professionals play, but I don’t care. Chess is something I do just because I love it. I absolutely adore it. I reward myself for studying or cleaning by watching chess tournaments or practicing. It’s so nice to just have something simple. When you are creative so often you are monetizing things you love, and I plan on trying to traditionally publish the book I’m working on, and it has been stressing me out a I’m taking a quick break from it. I want to love it while I’m writing it, otherwise, it will not be as good as I know it can be. Chess is a pleasant retreat. Also, the game of chess pleases me because there are rules and although there is psychology behind it, I do not have to make sense of a social situation. I mostly play against bots right now and am learning more about the game.

I have also been driving a lot and taking care of the house. But another thing I want to talk about is an update about my previous substack about cutting back on social media. The short answer is it is going well.

I now spend under ten minutes a day on social media, the only exception to that being chatting with my two sisters on Instagram. I still watch YouTube and am active on AuthorTube live productivity streams if I can. I mostly listen to music on YouTube, especially mixes of quiet classical music or ambiance videos of Skyrim libraries or taverns (Thanks to Sako Tumi for turning me on to these!) or library ambiance. I enjoy studying at the library in person when I can, so when I have to be home I enjoy hearing different libraries, my favorite is Oxford Libraries by HDK study. I also find YouTube helpful for documentaries for school and some audiobooks.

But yeah, no more doomscrolling or hours on IG or any other type of social media. I find my mood has improved, I’ve been able to get more done, I’m reading more, I’m cleaning more, and I have felt less bad about my house and appearance. I never felt terrible about my image or house, but I must admit I felt a little bad. Also, I found I wasn’t getting much out of scrolling anymore. Honestly, I still post photos, but I think it’s kind of boring to scroll. I am literally never bored anymore with everything going on, so I no longer feel the need to stare at my phone or computer. I’ve replaced IG time with school and reading and chess, and I have ZERO regrets about this. So overall I feel this has been a successful experiment and I don’t plan on going back to the way things were before. I am also considering nuking my Facebook. I just need to save some photos and I think I probably will. So yes, I highly recommend staying off social media. I feel so much more present and connected to myself than I used to.

So that’s about it for right now. More later, I’m sure. If you made it this far, thank you for listening to my rambles. Have a great day or night!

<3

Aisling