TOP STORY: Social Media is a Time Suck, local woman surprised. (PART ONE)

I have decided to cut my social media time, a feverish essay as to why, I have covid sorry if this is weird.

Photo by Luke van Zyl on Unsplash

I have COVID right now and haven’t been able to work at the same level or effort I normally do, so I thought I would write a silly little blog here. I have had the unfortunate side effects of depression and anxiety with this infection. I thought about my entire life, all my creative work, and my purpose as I lay helpless sweating, fighting off chills in the middle of a 104 fever. This admittedly is not a good time to take your thoughts seriously, even if they are serious in tone. I have since realized that maybe my illness (COVID) was coloring my thoughts a little. But I tried to take away something useful from this breakdown.

What I have found is I am tied to my phone and I really don’t like this. I know other people use their phones even more frequently than I do, but the urge to check my phone automatically now and then is irritating. I am not the biggest fan of social media ever, but there is one Social Media app that has my heart in a death grip. That is Instagram.

It started innocently enough in 2012 when I was in school and had just gotten my first iPhone. I had some other phones with cameras on them, but none of them took wonderful photos like my iPhone did. I have been into photography since I was a child. My mother encouraged this hobby, giving me a point-and-shoot camera, and supplying me with film often. My mother told me a few years ago that her favorite photo anyone has ever taken of her was one I took when I was seven and we were visiting Chicago. Photography and cameras have long been a point of fascination for me, and I used to take so many photos my friends and enemies called me “camera face”. I really enjoyed sharing photos of my adventures online, so naturally, Instagram to me was an app I was excited about. I also loved the filters available on Instagram because many of them mimicked Lofi or the effects Lomography's cameras could achieve. I was a large fan of the Holga and Diana Dreamer.

My personal Instagram still goes all the way back to my first photos which were of my Pullip dolls. Of course, I used one of the more aggressive stock filters on that photo. So these early photos on my Instagram have that 2010’s charm to them and I love looking back on them. It truly was a more innocent time. I continued all these years to keep up my personal account and like two years ago; I started a public art account for my art and writing. I don’t have a ton of followers, but I enjoy interacting with those I have on both accounts most of the time. I have encountered no overtly rude behavior, but some people have been quite forward in their approach towards me, which makes me feel uneasy. I still use Instagram every day.

This morning my phone was dead because I forgot to charge it. I also felt feverish from the stupid COVID-19 and read a book, drank some tea, and ate orange cranberry biscuits because I had little energy. I realized as I was trying to parse out the particularly dense book, (about consciousness, and Posthuman intelligence. Why did I choose this book when I feel so bad? But it kept my mind off the illness…) that I had not checked my phone. And this thought became almost like a minor ache, a worry.

“Oh no, I should check my phone,” I thought. And instantly I did not like this feeling. I told myself that no, I was going to read and take it easy, that nothing on my phone could be terribly pressing. I'm waiting for my cat's ashes and have important family matters to handle, but none of it is as urgent as it felt at that moment. And I wasn’t thinking about these real things, I was thinking about Instagram. I realized, that every single morning I check Instagram almost first thing. Sometimes just as I wake up. Not because I am expecting anything, but just to do it. I felt a little disgusted. I wondered when checking Instagram became the norm for me when I first woke up? I am so used to checking Instagram that I accidentally open it instead of other apps. I thought about this, this morning, and I felt like this needs to change.

Yes, I have put a time limit on the app of one hour, but you can easily dismiss the time limits set on IG and on your phone. I am thinking of taking the step of deleting it off my phone at this point. So this is a common story and experience nowadays, I’m sure. Perhaps many of you reading have a certain app that just has you by the balls. I barely use any other social media, except for Discord and YouTube, which is debatable if it's social media or not. I think I really became unhappy about my preoccupation with Instagram today after a meeting with my psychologist yesterday, who suggested that I take some time off all social media. I won’t go into the details, but she said that she thinks even though I’m fighting being influenced, it still gets into those tiny cracks in my defense. I believe she is right, but my uncertainty that is caused by social media mostly has to do with being creative and having a creative career. I never even mentioned to her that social media was possibly giving me weird messages about life, but she is wise and put two and two together. Once I realized she was right, I felt so stupid. I have taken breaks from social media before and I’ve been trying to limit my exposure to it, but it’s still affecting me. I thought things like, “I barely even scroll on this site,” and “I’m only on it when I have free time and when I cannot do anything else,” But I was in denial.

Instagram is not what it once was. The Internet is not what it once was. Things are changing. I grew up on the Internet and, abstractly; the Internet feels like my guardian. I don’t go for every trend; I try to use it in a healthy, balanced way, which has been something I have struggled with in the past. But I do often eat what the Internet feeds me. As a creative, I have seen the way the Internet can aid your work, and connect you with people to consume your work and other like-minded people. But I have also seen the Internet and people on it do awful things. Ironically, the final draft I’m working on has to do with mental illness, being chronically online, and online stalking. This book is a fictionalized series of events based on something that really happened to me and people I knew. I’ve seen ugliness online even before the rise of mainstream social media. I have been weary of some social media pretty much from the beginning. I was one of the last people I knew to get a MySpace account, even though all my friends and classmates had one. But I was highly active on LiveJournal. I have always tried to stay where I feel most comfortable on the Internet. Even now, I don’t go on Facebook almost ever because the vibes there to me are awful most of the time. 

But as I was saying, Instagram is not the app I loved back in the 2010s. It’s become a monster of algorithms, over-exposure, over-consumption, and even censorship. The constant advertisements, and the falsities of many large and small content creators. It’s in a lot of ways missing the authenticity that I used to love. It’s not as fun anymore.

But all these problems are not the biggest problem with Instagram. The biggest problem for me is a personal problem. It’s a time suck. I really enjoy looking for new artists art, music, and multimedia projects to support or inspire me on Instagram. I share the art I find on my art Instagram on my stories most days. This scratches the itch of me seeking interesting art or projects and posting other people's art on my LiveJournal for my friends to see and for us to discuss. It also almost fills the void of Tumblr, where I would have access to so many images I couldn’t help but scroll for hours. I think it is fine to have this want to curate interesting things, but for me, it can become obsessive. So there is that, and sometimes I sit on IG too long instead of writing. Writing is my profession, and you aren’t a writer if you don’t write. This is not a huge problem, but some days I do waste time on Instagram that I could and should have spent writing. I am not saying you can never scroll or waste your free time! I’m saying I have very limited times where I can write because of other commitments in my life, and scrolling Instagram is momentarily fulfilling, but writing is something that is nourishing to me long term. Instagram hits me the right way, that instant gratification of reposting something, watching a reel, or liking a post really has me in a chokehold sometimes. It’s funny, I am not even spending more than two hours on Instagram most of the time, but even that feels like too much. I guess what I need to say is; that I don’t want to do this anymore, that’s the end all be all.

So what do I do? Not go on Insta anymore? Get a flip phone and try to be less on the grid? Delete my accounts? Well, that’s where things get tricky. I am at the moment an indie creator. I am an indie author and indie musician. This means a lot of self-promotion. What is the easiest way to do self-promotion? Social Media. So I don’t think it is possible for me to completely quit social media. But I think I’m going to try to have “office hours” when I am away from Instagram. Probably 11 PM to 1 PM. I will still be running my accounts, and I must admit, especially on my art account, I have really enjoyed many of the friendships I’ve formed with other creative people. But I am going to try to stay off Socials as much as I feel is possible. 

At first, when I considered this today I was worried I was giving into my tendency to isolate and be anti-social. I am quite the introvert, and socializing wears me out very quickly and I need to spend a lot of time alone and unhooked to recover from it. These feelings even apply when it comes to online socializing. So I often take extended “hermit” breaks from almost everyone except my closest friends and very immediate family. I felt and still feel a little worried about this aspect of my personality not being compatible with the fact that as a writer/artist/musician, I have to market myself, constantly. I already do not market myself nearly as much as maybe I need to, to be successful. I know I can just do all these things for pleasure and not release them publicly and save myself the stress, but my greatest joy in life is creating stories and experiences that other people can enjoy. So I’m stuck. (I’m not saying I measure my success in how popular my projects are, more just that I feel happiest entertaining people in my own way. Be that 1,000 people or 2 people. I got one message about my least popular series on YT and it literally made my week. ) As in my own head as I am, I recognize I do need other people in my life, just maybe not in the same ways other people do. 

I’m choosing to view these “office hours” and the retreat from too much social media as a form of self-care and also a step in the way of doing more of the things I have been trying to cram into my schedule for months. Such as more book reading, working on my technical writing skills, and reading more about my interests outside of art, like Astronomy.  (I’ve been fascinated with the updates to the understanding of quantum entanglement and the discoveries of the James Webb telescope, as well as recent moons found around Jupiter. As well as many other things going on right now in the skies. It’s an exciting time!) So basically I just wrote this post as a way to motivate myself to stick with these decisions. It feels like if I release this manifesto on why I need to limit social media, it becomes something I must follow through with. I hate to fail and I hate to go back on my word, so messy public post it is. 

I wonder if you are a creator, what are your opinions on the need for Social Media to market yourself? Do you feel like we as creatives are expected to market ourselves too much and it leads to unhealthy habits surrounding our work? I do plan on writing a second part about more of my feelings and thoughts about the role of social media in the day-to-day of creatives, especially indie creators. But I plan to do so after trying to be on Socials less for a month or two. I want to see if it makes any difference in my engagement with my projects before I say more. But yes this is a whole can of worms in my brain. 

I hope the Covid goes away soon. Sorry if this made no sense, just jibber jabber. Bye-bye -Aisling!