January 2024 Update

My things.

So I will do an update on how I’m doing.

We are well into the new year and I find myself not as far along in my projects as I would like to be. But no matter, there are things I am doing well.

This week I began my first semester back in college. I may have mentioned this before, but I returned to school to finish an English degree. I am enjoying the work so far, but it is only the first week and I am sure it will only pick up from here. The other students are friendly. I have a little further to go, but I am considering my options of going even further past this degree. Besides family things, this is my focus right now.

I designed my day planner/workbook, and goal planner this year for the first time. I put in all the things I would want in a six-month planner. I am planning on doing a tour of the planner on YouTube soon. So far, it’s been great to work with, and I don’t know if I will ever buy a pre-made planner again. Next time I want to put some more vision and inspiration boards in it, but I also might add in some more personal development pages.

Here are a couple of pages from my planner. But there are a lot of goodies inside. I might film a “Planner setup” video in the next week or two.

I also have been making a lot of headway in the health department. I at last got some help with the trouble I was having in my back and neck. I just started at least 6-8 weeks of physical therapy twice a week. I enjoy the workouts there and this has jumpstarted me being active as much as I can again. One of my goals this year is to improve my ballet again. I was a dancer most of my life, and I miss it so much, so I am just this week beginning to dance again. I have already completed the prescribed home exercises all this week and last and my nerve condition has improved. I also have a big appointment with a very respected doctor in town to see if I do indeed have lupus like all my current doctors think I do. I’ve already tested positive on three identifying tests, but it takes a lot to be sure lupus is indeed lupus. I have an excellent group of doctors now, in addition to my amazing psychiatric team, and they have promised me they are seeking answers to the question I’ve had most of my life: “Why am I sick?”. I feel so lucky to have access to these resources, and I will not stop until I have actual answers.

Besides finding specific answers about my health, I have chosen to face the fact that I have some pretty bad habits, which probably contribute to my existing issues. I want to break these habits. The first major one is my extreme addiction to diet soda. I am so addicted to it, that sometimes I can drink up to nine cans a day. I know that is gross, and it’s embarrassing for me to admit, but I want to take accountability for what I am doing wrong. I know that diet soda contains chemicals and cannot be good for my health. I also know that it can mess with your blood sugar, which I have had issues with. I also know it can leech your bones. But the biggest reason I want to quit is, well, I’m just tired of it. I’m tired of freaking out if I don’t have it. I’m tired of feeling jittery or dehydrated (or both) because I’ve overindulged in it. I’m tired of spending the money on it. Thank god I drink generic because regular Diet Coke is usually $9 (!!) a 12-pack. Diet soda is my oldest vice. I started drinking it when I worked my first job at a grocery store when I was 15. My parents bought no soda except Faygo every so often and ginger ale. I had coke at restaurants sometimes, but it never took until I had that job. At this time, I was also dealing with some pretty nasty eating disorders, so I loved the zero-calorie aspect of diet soda. So all this time basically, I have been obsessively drinking diet soda. I’ve tried to stop multiple times. I’ve cut back, I’ve almost quit before, but never completely. The first thing I do when I wake up is reach for soda and take my medication.

What makes quitting soda difficult for me is the entire experience of drinking soda. (mainly from cans.) From the resistance of the tab when you open it, to the “pop” sound, to the first sip, all of it is pleasing to me. Also, one form my ADHD/Autism takes is I do well with pre-portioned things. It’s hard for me to decide how much of something to take and also for whatever reason my brain equates pre-packaged with better. I’m trying hard to beat these behaviors but that’s another tale for another substack. Back to soda. Sometimes I don’t even enjoy drinking the soda though, especially at midday. But it’s a compulsion. I do drink water and tea and seltzer, but I’m just so addicted to soda that I will reach for soda first. In the past few days, I have been drinking three cups of tea in place of a soda in the late afternoon. I don’t drink enough water, but I’m going to work on that too. I just need to step down or cold turkey the diet soda. I am working with a wellness coach who has been giving me good advice on this and other things. My first goal with the soda is to be down to 4 a day by next week. I am nervous but I am a very independent person and I hate having a substance rule me.

I have since cut way back on sweets, but for most of my life this was my idea of a perfect food and drink experience… I am getting healthy slowly but surely! In moments where it feels really hard, I try to focus on how far I’ve come.

My other goal for 2024 is to improve my chess game. This is something I have been working on for a few months, and I would say my game is better. I like to do chess puzzles right now. But I play games sometimes too. I like the puzzle of the week or timed puzzles on the Chess.com app. I was good at chess when I was a child and a teenager. One of my favorite Christmas presents I ever received was a small electronic chess set. I also have fond memories of going to this now-defunct coffee shop with my husband when we were teenagers to play chess. In the winter, we would sit by the fireplace there and play, and I would always have a mint mocha. My husband is good at chess too, and I like that playing with him is a challenge. Random husband shout-out, but it’s wonderful to have a partner who can challenge you respectfully. I swear I have learned so much from him. Anyway, I practice chess every day.

(This was a huge set I found!)

I am continuing to learn very, very basic French. If I go further in school, I will most likely have to take some foreign language, and I decided to try out French this time. I have a workbook and Duolingo, which I know is not enough to learn a language, but my goal is more to supplement my knowledge, so classes, if they do come, are easier to stay afloat in. Je suis un débutant. Mais je m’amuse!

As for my goals in 2024, that consider writing. Well, that’s complicated. I have a lot going on, plus my family life day to day. But I plan on still writing. I hope to finish two projects this year. I’ll refer to them as codenames here just because I want to save the titles until closer to release. I plan on finishing the final draft of 2004 Story. I am very close to doing this, but there is a large section that I am reaching at the end that needs to be rewritten. I was driving home from an errand this morning thinking about this project. I was wondering if I need to completely re-write 2004 Story. If I did this, it would throw out three years of writing hundreds of thousands of words. I don’t want to do this, but it still doesn’t feel right. I can’t get the vibe right. It’s such a personal and important story to me. I need it to feel good. My therapist keeps telling me to think in shades of grey and not black or white. They tell me perfectionism is an impossible standard to hold yourself to, but I can’t stop trying to reach it. So the future of 2004 Story is unclear, but I plan to re-read what I have of draft 3 this weekend and make some decisions.

The other major project I want to finish, Tracks, is in a much better place. It needs some ironing out, and I have to finish the draft I am on, but it will not need as much editing as 2004 Story does. Tracks is my favorite thing I have ever written I think, and in a way that is terrifying, but it’s mostly good. I haven’t written a full draft yet, but I would wager to bet it will be over in the next 30-50k words. I have a strong sense of where the story goes and what happens and how to write it. This story is a pleasure, but even with this story, sometimes it’s hard to write. Writing is hard, don’t trust anyone who says it’s a simple thing. Enjoyable at times, fulfilling, rewarding, all those things. But not always easy. I expect to finish this draft in the next six months. I plan to start sending it off to lit agents after that. That is going to be an upsetting experience I know, but I want to at least try it once.

The last goal I have is for my YouTube channel. I am hoping to make more videos there. But for the past two months, I just haven’t had the time or energy. I want to make a video a month, but I will not be making that goal this month. I do have some great video ideas! We will see how that goes I guess?

I think that’s it. That’s some of what’s been going on with me, and my loose goals for the year 2024. I hope you all have had a great January so far!

-Aisling