Editing and writing news + a short story.
Updates on my work and a short story to read!
I have been deep into editing some pieces recently. I tried to do Camp NaNoWriMo, but after 7,000 words I kind of got burnt out. I had written over 50,000 words the month before, so I am taking a slight break from that project. That’s where the editing comes in. I am diversifying. I think some projects I have are actually in a great place, and ready to be continued. One novel is in its third and I hope final draft, but I am changing a lot in it, mostly voice and pacing. But I’m sure there will still be more work to do once this new rewrite is done. My goal for having finished the final draft of this project is December this year. This has been one of the hardest stories I’ve ever tried to tell honestly. I just know it isn’t right, and I will not accept half-baked on this project. I am also editing a half-finished story I am planning on releasing here on Substack as a monthly serial. I am excited to introduce it next month and I hope you all enjoy it. I’m hoping releasing this story will put some pressure on me to finish it. But I’ll explain more next month.
In other news, I recently added a new recording area in my house and am figuring out the acoustics, which differ from my old recording room. This is slowing down my videos for YouTube a little, but I hope to be up and humming in the next few days with regular video releases again. My next video is about an anime, and I also have a book and author-adjacent video I’m getting ready to record. And of course, I will continue to release my New Mutants videos.
So you probably have not read this story before. I released this story in my first “test” book. If you are one of the few people who own this book, I’m sorry for being redundant with re-releasing this brief story. I re-edited it and liked how it turned out, so I am re-releasing it here. This is an ancient story, but it’s kind of fun to reminisce about, I guess. (I tend not to use so many weird dialogue tags in my current writings.) This was going to be part of a bigger story, but when I wrote this, I felt like the story was over. So hope you enjoy it!
Photo by Alexander Andrews on Unsplash
*He Attacked when the Comet Came*
She twisted her hands around her wrists by forming a bracelet with her thumb and index finger. She was in one of those moods that only solitude and alcohol could fix. It had caused the needles in Olivia’s stomach to grow only sharper. She did not know what had prompted this bit of panic, the now growing feeling of despair. It wasn’t anything superficial. The entire episode had begun quietly. She was watching telly and painting her nails dark green and the pain started.
Psychosis causes discomfort that is more of an unsettling feeling than an actual pain, as anyone who has experienced it can attest. The only comparable pain she could associate with it was hunger and having something caught in her throat. Imaginary stomachs cringe, inducing an empty gag reflex to shutter. Phantom hands reach out and strangle and chattering worries bite at the corners of the mind. Olivia tried to analyze the sensation away, but it wasn’t working. She left a note for Paul on the table, trying to ignore the drab kitchen’s yellow lighting that was making everything look dull and liminal. The kitchen table was an old card table, loved; it was hard to write on it. Whoever owned the table before had written very hard. The past owner’s sentences were like fossils. Grocery lists and bits of thought that made all notes Olivia wrote textured. Olivia went to the mirror; while holding her breath, she was applying eye makeup.
Eyeliner: thick, creamy black. She hoped to look sorrowful. Olivia looked in the mirror and she whispered to herself. She found she looked like a strange half-breed tonight. One among many like her, but her look was almost mythological, a race of beings who had left the earth long ago. She looked at herself and made a gun out of her hand, and shot at her mirror image. An imaginary bullet shattered her skull. She turned her head sideways and her short white hair fell into her eyes. Mirror Olivia had black blood running down her face. She shook the image away by blinking. The clock read two hours until Paul would be home from work and night class. There was a beat in her head; it needed to be satiated by scenery much grander than her yellow-lit flat. The television was still on, she always left it on, and the news reporter was talking about how a comet was going to be visible in the night sky.
She made sure the note was still there as she grabbed her helmet. The beat was stronger and louder now. The woman was singing in some forgotten tongue. The lyrics were not a sense but feeling and Olivia knew what it meant. Out of sync with her body, her mind raced forward into the night, even before she had locked her door. She went to the parking garage and saw her bike shining in the overhead lightning. Perhaps it had a halo. Her mind had split. The other half was waiting to be found, and she knew she had to go chase it down. She climbed on her bike; she was getting thinner and thinner these days. She could tell the weight loss because her bones rested on her motorbike in a chaotic way. She turned the key and whispered to her bike as she leaned down and revved the engine.
“You are a fantastic metal beast. Take me quickly before I die.” She smiled, white crooked teeth shining brighter than allowed. The colors had shifted to strange, and she knew as the bike moved that the awfulness had already swallowed her. There was nothing left to do except try to outrun it, try to find a sanctuary. Somewhere numb and bland, dark, so she could disappear and the thoughts could not find her. The comet that was passing by the planet lit the sky and traced her progress through the city.
The streets were dense and crowded, but her bike was small. She could speed as quickly as she wanted to, blurring between autos and pedestrians. Most people walking could hear her growl and moved for her bike before she would even have to think. The blinding neon poured down on her, casting the night away. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t blend in with the night here. She needed somewhere more remote. Olivia’s rose-colored sunshade on her helmet turned the evening world a strange hue. This reminded her of the way she had felt before. With him, she had not been happy. Disconnected and out of sorts, she had stood in bars and rooms and lain in a bed, wide-eyed and confused about why she was there. He had counted on the delirium to keep her asleep, so he could rule the world. Of course, he did not rule the real world, only the one her depression and his manipulation had created. He had disappeared into a strange white powder and all that remained was a shell. She had not felt it in a long time, but she knew this mood was his kingdom.
The kingdom had reached out to reclaim her; she knew it was time to run as quickly as she could, for it was almost too late. The other side had taken half of her mind. And if it remained in his reality for too long, she knew she would end up soulless. Then Paul would be alone and she would feel a faint heartache forever in a dark detention she had only two years ago escaped from. She didn’t have a strong enough mind or body to escape again. She rode through the night with purpose, and her determination knew where to go. Olivia rode her mechanical horse through the evening and through the city like a knight. Swinging and taking turns at a deep angle. She could catch those around her staring with black eyes. Foreign and empty, she passed the marina and the scent of fish hung in the air. She passed places where the vibrations were too heavy. She looked down and she could feel the scars on her body that belonged to him rising on her skin. Like unwanted tattoos and needle marks, they rose with the sea on her right. The paved road stretched out before her like an endless ribbon blending into the dark horizon.
She saw a half-lit sign in front of her and followed it to a gravel parking lot where the neon sign belonged to. The paranoid chattering pulled her to them, and she obliged. Olivia felt her tired eyes scan the doorway of the bar that she had arrived at. In this rough part of town, the neon had faded into hues of grey, and the people here all were shapes and stories she didn’t care to hear. She locked her bike and walked towards the heavy music that was filtering through the oak doorway into the bar. The red lights in the bar cast an ominous glow as she walked in. A literal awakening happened as she sat down on a plastic stool at the bar. She grabbed at her wrists, waiting for the bartender to serve her. The beer lights were buzzing and the loud music kept the patron’s conversations safe.
Her mind returned to her, sifting in through her ears. She looked around to see lustful stares and sneers. How had it become this way? A drop of moisture from the ceiling fell and hit her collarbones. The same ones that he had grabbed her by all the way back then. She could feel his hands close to them, the same clammy discontent as before. She spun, and out of her own despair, he had formed. He was at the other end of the bar, sitting alone for dramatic purposes and stirring a drink with a tiny shard of bone. She turned away, distracting herself by ordering a strong liquor drink. She couldn’t flee now, he’d follow her and forever she would be vulnerable to these attacks he could now launch from obscure dive bars. It was time to end it; she stirred her drink fast with a tiny femur. She caught her reflection in the bar a small face with oversized sunglasses. Her reflection was demented. The gravity in the bar was turning sideways, and the air was leaving, causing difficulty for Olivia to swallow. She could see her reflection remaining solid and straight, even though everything was turning faint and upside down. She struggled to catch her drink floating towards her mouth in zero gravity. How had he gained these powers? How had he become so strong? It had been so long, Olivia had thought he had disappeared into his own lies.
She looked over again through slanted eyes and saw him dark and concentrated. In the years that had passed, he had not moved away from hurting others. He had practiced megalomaniacal magic. She reworked her thoughts of fairness, seeing his great powers and the effects they had on her. She had not prepared for this. She had expected to be stronger when she saw him face to face. She had expected the Olivia that Paul knew could fight for her, to deflect the darkness this other man could cast over her. He had reappeared at a vulnerable time for Olivia. But of course, this was always his talent, knowing how to beat others’ weak eyes and manipulate their souls. He had noticed her physical presence there. She met his stare, and he put a hand up and waved. She expected time to slit and the roof to cave. But instead, her phone vibrated in her pocket after she had focused on her drink. A message flashed on the screen of her phone when she retrieved it.
::: Tnaw uoy fi evael nac i.:::
She couldn’t read... her eyes were going towards each other. She messaged him back. Perhaps it said what she guessed. She answered out of fear.
::: No it’s fine. I will be out of here in a bit, probably after this drink.:::
She felt a tinge of remorse as his grip loosened. Why had she come here? Her mind had drifted towards him earlier, after that song on the radio. She had first heard it with him and remembered stumbling down the alley, drunk and singing with him the lyrics. These moods always were associated with him. Seeing him and feeling the dread and anticipation; only to have the battle end made her question the perspective she had on him. She wondered why he had decided too to come here. He could have just stolen her mind in stealth, but he had come to the bar he knew she frequented. After months and months of absence, why had he come here tonight? Why tonight? She had not expected to see him; she had come here to escape his psychic touch. The music was getting louder, and she felt like she was spinning. A hand touched her back, between her shoulder blade and spine. She knew it was Paul; he must have gotten off early. Paul set her equilibrium back straight with his fingertips. She smiled at him with her unique teeth. He smiled back, but he could feel the tension. He looked around, sensing her nervousness. He tightened his grip on her back as Olivia knew he had spotted Kein sitting smugly at the end of the bar.
“What the hell is he doing here?! He knows you hang out here; I swear to god I’ll beat his ass if he comes near us!” Paul, who was always reserved, chewed on his lip and his thin face took a tone she had not seen in a long time. She turned to Kein on the other end of the bar. Paul was talking loud enough to be heard over the music. She saw Kein push a cigarette hard into an ashtray and collect his things. He exited out of the side door after paying his tab, ignoring Paul’s glare. She felt an emotion unknown and indescribable. She had expected him to fight. It was always his way before. Fighting was his orchestra. How could he run now? It was his fault that the battles had begun. She imagined his reaction when he had driven away. Was he happy to have gotten to had gotten under Paul’s skin? Was he happy they had given him such a reaction? She imagined Kein’s dirty teeth behind a thick-lipped smile as he drove away. She imagined him laying his oily hair down on an uncovered pillow among the beetles in his apartment. She imagined him lying to whatever girl he was with now about the encounter. Making himself out to be some sort of hero, Olivia didn’t know how, but she knew he would somehow make that poor girl worship him. Olivia wondered if perhaps Kein had won, but had there even been a battle? She felt unsure.
She stirred her drink, nuzzling herself into Paul’s chest, hoping to slide into his ribs. He sighed in anger, and she touched his cheek. She felt Kein’s touch in her own and shuttered. Perhaps if she had never met him, never cared or loved, she wouldn’t have ever been this way. Her heart’s poor judgment had led her to the very person who would make her distant. And even after all the time that had gone with the earth spinning; and Paul’s pleading, she felt rotten from her own mistake. She watched as the comet on the television made its way through the heavens. She felt as lonely and as cold and hot as the comet. She wondered if she would float off into the night sky, becoming a celestial body, perhaps a pattern of stars or a constellation that looked like a person with a mask as a face. She imagined herself as a Greek heroine who hid deep scars by filling them with marble.
“Paul, let me finish this drink, then let’s go home. I want to look through the telescope.” She took Paul’s hand; it was the only thing left to keep her in orbit for a while. Then when Kein had retreated from her, she could return as glorious as the space explorer who knows no fear. Hot and bright as a comet, the alcohol colored her face. She imagined how hot she would burn even years from then, and where the comet passing that evening would have traveled to. Then it all seemed small.
Hope you all are having a great summer! <3 Aisling.